Freed by Him Read online

  I sat next to him, feeling myself shaking. I knew instinctively it was going to be bad news.

  He began to explain to me, but I only heard ‘cancer’ before dissolving into tears myself. He reached over, held me tightly and tried to talk to me, to explain things.

  I knew I should listen, but I couldn’t focus on his words. That one word had destroyed my ability to hear and listen.

  I tried to focus on my breathing like Paul had taught me. I needed to listen to them, get the facts, to know what we were dealing with, but that one word had rendered me incapable of doing any of that.

  This was my father, my champion. I’d almost lost him once and it had devastated me.

  He was reassuring me that they'd caught it early, trying to give me information that I couldn’t take in. He sounded so sure and strong.

  I pulled back and looked at him and he gave me a sad smile. "I hate upsetting my girls," he said pulling me and my sister back into him, holding and hugging us both tightly. "I'm not ready to go anywhere just yet."

  My mother came over and knelt in front of us and the four of us held onto each other as we cried.

  We slowly composed ourselves. My mother excused herself and asked my sister to join her, who glanced at me in confusion before leaving and pulling the door closed behind her.

  My father sighed heavily and I turned to him.

  "I'm sorry Lena, I've tried to keep a handle on this, but I'm not sure how rough chemo is going to get. I’ve tried to hold off as long as I could but..."

  I looked at him in confusion. Considering the awful news he'd just given it was only now that he was looking genuinely worried.

  "Dad please, you’re scaring me even more..."

  He pursed his lips together and shook his head "Don't be scared. I think you're more likely to get mad in a minute." He laughed but there was no humour in it. "I'm genuinely sorry. Maybe I should have said something earlier." He looked so upset and torn that I felt my heart rate start to accelerate again.

  I wasn’t sure how much more news I could take.

  He began explaining how he'd always strived to keep me out of the public eye and away from functions. I looked at him, perplexed. I had no idea where he was going with this.

  He exhaled loudly. "I didn't ever want you to be a target, I tried to keep your name and especially your face, away from all the events and media." I looked at him trying to keep my face calm and neutral.

  "Go on."

  He looked directly at me and I could see the anguish on his face.

  "You've been getting letters, hate mail," he clarified, trying to gauge my reaction.

  I felt relief wash over me and I looked at him for a second before releasing the laughter that was bubbling up inside me.

  "For God’s sake, Dad!" I muttered, blowing out a relieved breath "Do you think I give a damn what people think about me?"

  Annoyance flickered over his features. "Lena, this is no joke! Once you became Vice CEO you became a target. Last year, not long after you broke up with Richard, he sent some compromising photos he wanted payment for..."

  He didn't finish his sentence as I flew to my feet, "What?" I yelled, shaking now with rage not fear.

  I threw my arms around angrily, "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

  He pulled a grimace. "Lena, language!" But it was a token effort and I ignored him.

  "What photos?" I demanded. He reached down and I noticed the brown Manila folder that had been on the floor the whole time. He passed it across to me but didn't release his hold.

  "This has been dealt with. He's been dealt with. This isn't the issue..."

  He let go and I tore it open. There were a handful of photos all blown up to poster size, showing me laying on his bed, clearly asleep and completely naked.

  I felt bile rush up into my mouth and swallowed putting my hand over my mouth as if to hold it in. I felt dizzy and sick. My anger giving way to upset as tears ran down my face at the sight of myself.

  I shook my head numbly. "I didn't..." I couldn't even finish my sentence and my father stood and held me. Shame flooded me at the thought of my father seeing these and having to deal with this.

  "I know Lena, I know. I didn’t want to tell you this, but your mother insisted on full disclosure. She doesn’t know the details, just that I’ve been holding things back from you. She thought they were company matters but…"

  He led me back over to the sofa and we sat down.

  "I have some questions for you and some admissions," my father began and I looked up at him, feeling drained.

  He explained that I had been sent a number of letters since I began working for the company, beginning after my first and only attendance at an awards event. The Krav Maga event where I’d met Paul, and my father had donated funds.

  Initially the letters were sporadic, maybe once a year and although suggestive in nature they weren’t cause for alarm. The turning point had been when I’d been announced as Vice CEO just over a year ago, and since then there had been another handful, from the same sender they believed, although they were never signed.

  That first letter, following the announcement, had started off complimentary before launching into an attack on me. No threats had been made or even implied, though the hatred had been quite intense and they’d been very sexual in content.

  My father had contacted the authorities, but they hadn't been interested.

  He looked at me guiltily. "I increased your security without your knowledge. I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily."

  "My security?" I questioned shocked, and he had the grace to look at the floor.

  "It's why I insisted on the keypad entry system at your house when you wanted to change the front door. Your new security guard, Byron, is a bodyguard by trade - he’s ex-military - and there's Graham, who has watched over you from time to time."

  I put my head in my hands, rubbing at my eyes, trying desperately to make sense of this.

  It was too much to handle, too much to try and take in all at once - my father being so ill; my trust and faith in men being destroyed by the complete violation of my privacy; Richard’s disgusting photos and his betrayal; and my own father having me followed and watched.

  My head and my heart hurt; I felt completely shattered. I looked up to meet my father’s eyes and saw my own pain mirrored in them.

  "I have to go," I whispered as a tear rolled down my face and I went to stand up.

  He reached across grabbing my hand and holding me. "Lena, please..."

  I exploded, snatching my hand back, "What Dad? What? What am I supposed to say? You had me followed and watched, for fucks sake! That's not cool dad! You keep important details from me about my life! My life!"

  My voice broke slightly and he looked distressed. I jumped to my feet pacing back and forth as I yelled.

  "There's more isn't there? Oh my God! Dad!!" I waved my arms about in frustration, desperately fighting not to break down.

  He looked at me, trying to decide whether he should approach. Deciding against it he sat back against the sofa.

  "No, not more. I'm just concerned that I'm not going to be able to be around much. Without me there to protect you, you needed to know this. I've struggled to decide whether to make you CEO in case it should put you further into harm’s way. You've worked for this and earned it Lena, but it will raise your profile. I won't be able to hide you."

  I turned to him sharply. "Hide me!" I shrieked, "I shouldn't have to fucking hide! This is absolute bullshit."

  I wanted to punch something. "I can't deal with this now!"

  I stormed towards the door, stopping as I got to the entrance to whirl around and face my father, jabbing with my finger.

  "I don't want to become CEO cos you’re sick Dad, but if you are stepping down then I'm stepping up, or I'm walking."

  I turned on my heel and stalked out of the house, slamming the door behind me.

  Lena

  I drove t
he R8 home as it should be driven - roof off, music blaring, pedal to the floor. I stormed into the house and quickly changed into my running gear, my exhaustion from earlier replaced by anger, frustration and hurt.

  They only carried me so far though, and after barely three miles I hit the stop button, collapsing to my knees on the running machine and breaking down, sobbing.

  My father, the man whom I’d always looked up to, idolised my whole life, had shattered my illusion of him tonight.

  Having me followed, invading my privacy like that hurt me deeply. The fact that he’d kept it all hidden away from me - I didn’t know how to begin dealing with that.

  Combined with finding out how ill he was and that I was at risk of losing him…It felt as if the ground had opened up underneath me; as if the very foundations of my life were being torn up.

  I didn’t even want to think about Richard; he made me feel sick.

  I just lay on the running machine and cried - Tears for how scared I was, how much it hurt, and how bitterly disappointed I felt.

  My eyes felt gritty and my whole body ached. Forcing my eyes open I realised that I'd fallen asleep curled up on the floor next to the running machine.

  My body felt stiff and sore. I pulled myself up and saw that it had just gone 10pm - around two hours lying on the floor, great!

  I poured myself a large glass of water and went upstairs to shower. I pinned my hair on top of my head so it wouldn't get wet and quickly washed my body. Towelling myself off, I threw on some fleecy PJs and climbed into bed just as my phone began to ring.

  I answered without thinking and it was Nate's voice that greeted me. Despite the warm feelings I felt at hearing from him, I cringed. I really didn't want to be dealing with anyone tonight. Why the fuck did I answer the phone?

  "Hey Princess, I text you earlier. Please say you’re not still at work?" His tone was playful and I tried to muster some enthusiasm.

  "Nope, tucked up in bed. Actually I’m shattered, I'll speak to you tomorrow."

  He saw straight through me. "What's wrong?" he asked, and I sighed.

  I really couldn't get into this with anyone tonight. It didn’t make sense in my own head and voicing it out loud would make it real.

  "I'm tired. I just want to sleep. I'll catch you tomorrow," I repeated.

  I could hear him moving around as he held the phone.

  "Do you want me to come over?" He sounded sincere, but I was pissed off, sick of feeling I could trust people who then let me down or betrayed me.

  "For fuck’s sake Nate, I'm going to bed. I'll speak to you tomorrow."

  I hung up on him and pulled the covers over my head, hugging the pillow to me as I sobbed.

  I felt confused and lost. I wanted to reach out to Nate, but at the same time I was couldn’t bring myself to. I was terrified for my father but so mad with him at the same time. Holding onto the anger meant I didn’t have to think about how ill he was.

  I didn't know how I was going to deal with Byron on Monday now that I knew his real job and who the fuck was Graham and when would I get to meet him?

  My carefully constructed world was falling apart around me and I was left feeling angry and helpless.

  I didn't wake up feeling any better. I couldn't even begin to deal with the giant swirl of emotions going through my head. I went downstairs on autopilot and made myself breakfast but couldn't eat anything.

  I saw that Nate had text first thing that morning, but I didn't reply. I struggled to think rationally, but the thought of my father fighting cancer had me crippled.

  I forced myself to think of everything else that he’d told me. I was angry with him for going behind my back about Richard.

  I'm not sure whether Richard had been paid off or not, but the thought made my blood boil.

  I had every intention of making him regret his actions, no matter what my father had put in place.

  Then there was the issue of Byron and Graham. The thought that my father had arranged for me to be followed and watched didn't reassure me at all. I felt sick and violated. Thinking about the reason my father had felt the need to do that in the first place made me feel even worse.

  I felt angry at the thought of being targeted, not knowing who or why they wanted to direct their hatred towards me. I wasn't going to let people’s jealousy and bitterness detract from my years of hard work. There was no way in hell anyone else was getting the CEO position.

  I wanted to do something but I had no idea where to start. I felt impotent. I needed to get details from my father, but I couldn't face having to speak with him today. I still felt that I needed time to process everything.

  I’d have liked to have headed over to the gym to spar with Paul, but I knew that he was busy today training someone else for a competition.

  I decided to head over to the refuge. As I drove, my phone rang again and glancing down, I could see it was my sister.

  I hesitated but sent her to voicemail. I was just as terrified as she was for my father, but I was also mad as hell with him at the moment.

  Holding onto my anger helped me to ignore the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I thought about how ill he was.

  Life had returned to normal at the refuge following the drama from a few weeks before. My time there passed quickly, catching up with the women and their children. It provided a welcome distraction for the time I was there.

  I stayed until just before their evening meal when I reluctantly bid my goodbyes. Checking my phone whilst walking back to the car, I saw that there were numerous missed calls. I quickly checked through them - one from Nate, four from Maddie and two more from my sister.

  I also had text messages but I didn't bother to look, I threw my phone on the passenger seat and jumped in, turning the music up loud to drown out my thoughts.

  Arriving back to my house I felt restless and irritable. I tried to settle down in front of the TV but found I couldn't concentrate.

  I got up and poured myself a large glass of wine. I could hear my phone ringing in the hallway. Ignoring it, I turned the TV off and my stereo on.

  I made my way through the bottle of wine easily before opening another, singing loudly before deciding I needed to go out; dancing would help me unwind.

  My mind flitted to Nate - he could certainly get me to relax, I sniggered to myself before screaming in fright as my front door slammed.

  Maddie came storming into the room looking aghast at me slumped on the sofa drinking wine out of a pint glass.

  "What the fuck Lena!" She looked at me horrified, making me giggle as she joined me on the sofa.

  "It's not funny Lee... I've been trying to get hold of you all day. Your sister rang me."

  I cut her off, "I was at the refuge Mads. I don't wanna talk about Bianca, or anyone." I waved my arms about sloshing the wine.

  "I'm going out; you wanna come?" She frowned at me, her brows knitted together.

  "Lena, c'mon girl, put the wine down. Let's...”

  I jumped up and shook my head vigorously "Nah, uh, uh... I'm going out. Come – stay - whatever you want."

  I shrugged, walked up to my room, changed quickly into black skinny jeans and a loose fitting red top.

  I grabbed my hair and loosely pinned it up on top of my head. I put on a light dusting of bronzer on, smudged my eyes with dark smoky eyeshadow before adding mascara and a red lipgloss. Not my usual look and I liked it.

  Maddie was chattering away into her phone as I came down the stairs. She glanced over her shoulder at me, raising her eyebrows and ending the call.

  "Where are we going then?" she asked sarcastically knowing the answer would be Milo’s.

  I flew at her "I love you Mads! I knew you wouldn't let me down!" I grabbed her in a hug and she squeezed me tightly, before pushing me off laughing.

  "OK, OK, we'll go out, but you’re gonna talk to me tomorrow Lena, hungover or not!"

  She waved her finger at me looking serious and I gave her a salute, the both of us burst out laughi
ng.

  We walked into our usual bar. It was still relatively quiet as it was only 9pm. I ordered us two Jagerbombs as well as a bottle of wine to share.

  Maddie looked at the shots but downed hers without saying anything.

  We sat in a table by the window. She asked about Nate; just the thought of him made my stomach clench and a flutter run right through me. I tried not to smile at the thought of him, forcing myself instead to think of how the men in my life betrayed me.

  Feeling detached I looked out of the window so she couldn't try and read me.

  "No talk of guys tonight," I muttered as I knocked back my wine.

  She exhaled heavily, reaching across to put her hand on mine. "What's he done?"

  I shrugged her off. "Nothing yet. He will though no doubt, I don't want to talk about it."

  She looked at me sadly, before sighing. "OK, so we can't talk guys; you won't discuss the huge elephant in the room..."

  I snapped my eyes to hers in warning and she squeezed my hand gently.

  I know your sister is really worried and something…”

  I interrupted her before she could carry on, asking her about work. Sighing in frustration, she filled me in on her day.

  She knew I’d talk to her when I was ready, and I wasn’t ready for any of this to feel any more real than it did already.

  We chatted a while longer about nothing in particular. I knew she was upset and annoyed but I just wanted to switch off tonight.

  Her phone vibrated and she snatched it up before I could see who it was, apologised and excused herself.

  I helped myself to the rest of the wine whilst she was gone. I was feeling light-headed. Everything around me was slightly out of focus with soft blurred edges.

  I caught the attention of the bar tender and signalled for another shot, which he brought over just as Maddie re-emerged.

  I downed it quickly and jumped up as she got near, almost taking the table over with me.

  "Whoops… I'm gonna dance. Let's go!" I waved my arms theatrically towards the dance floor.