Caught by Her Read online

  I decided I didn’t care.

  I couldn’t afford to care anymore.

  I’d thought I couldn’t afford to love and care for Lena, and I’d tried to push her away, looking to sacrifice love rather than face being hurt, but this is what hurt – and this sure as hell wasn’t love.

  It was too hard and too damaging to try and care about someone who felt nothing but hatred and resentment towards you, to continually try to help someone who repeatedly refused help and threw it all back in your face.

  We’d gone nearly three years without speaking following the discovery of him with Clarissa, but I’d still kept tabs on him. I knew that my parents had tried time after time to convince him to get help but he’d refused to acknowledge that he had a problem.

  I’d intervened the previous year after he’d been arrested following an altercation during a night out. He’d assaulted a police officer and it had taken some discreet pleading on my part for the charges to be dropped. I’d received no response from either of them despite the officer making it clear that he was dropping the charges out of respect for me.

  Looking at him hunched up in the bed I thought back to the time a few weeks before when Lena had lain there and I felt my insides clench. “I’m not doing this anymore,” I said, my tone biting and sharp.

  He sneered at me, barely turning his head in my direction, but I felt Clarissa’s eyes on me.

  I moved to leave and she stood up abruptly, catching my hand. “Nate, please! We’re family! We need each other. Don’t listen to him! He’s upset and still not himself. Don’t cut us off!”

  I pulled my hand free and started to walk out of the room.

  “Nate, please! You can’t just walk away. He’s your brother!” Clarissa’s voice rang out from behind me.

  I clenched my fists tight and carried on walking. I could hear him yelling something, but I couldn’t decipher it: he was too far away to be heard clearly. Then I heard her footsteps chasing after me.

  She reached me at the end of the corridor, catching hold of my hand in an intimate gesture that annoyed me even more.

  I spun round to face her, yanking my arm away, and she shrank back, pouting her lips at me. I just managed to resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Clarissa, I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore. He has had chance after chance after chance. I don’t need this.”

  She didn’t respond,- but looked at me for a moment as if weighing me up. “You won’t walk away, Nate. That’s not you. He’s still your brother. You’re all he has. He needs the money to be able to get help. You’re not selfish - you won’t be able to keep it all for yourself - I know you Nate.” She had the audacity to smile at me, looking smug, and I felt the last of my resolve to remain calm crash around me.

  I moved forward, leaning right down into her face. “Let’s get one thing straight here ‘Rissa’,” I said, my voice rich with venom, my words low and harsh, “you don’t know shit about me. I’m not the little boy you used to know. Jonathan has had more than enough chances. This isn’t about the fucking money, though, if you think I’m gonna give him anymore to shove up his nose or stick in his veins, you’re just as stupid as he is. I’m not doing this anymore. We are done. I’m not worrying about someone who’s not worth it.”

  She took a step back, giving herself more space. “We were trying to make an effort, Nate. We are all you have as well, y’know. The old man isn’t going to last forever, and you’ll be left without anyone. You and Barbie have been rocky. You need to remember who’s important!”

  I forced myself to close my eyes and focus on my breathing to try to prevent the inferno that was threatening to erupt. My hands were shaking for an entirely different reason now.

  I’d never hit a woman, but, holy hell, she was testing my restraint.

  I snapped my eyes open, and she smiled sweetly at me, reaching out to place her hand on my forearm. “I didn’t mean it like that, Nate. I just miss you. We miss you. I want to get close to you again.” Her voice was saccharine sweet.

  I looked at her and felt as if I was really seeing her for the first time - her perfect makeup, her fake tone and false smile. There wasn’t an ounce of genuine warmth in her, and I immediately thought of how Lena’s smile lit up her whole face.

  I shook my head at her, refusing to get dragged any further into this conversation.

  She drew her eyebrows together, looking at me in confusion as I smiled back at her before turning and walking away down the corridor, towards the exit. She called after me but I continued to walk away, opening the door and letting the fresh air hit me as she door slammed shut behind me.

  I sat in the car for a minute just staring at the steering wheel, trying to get a handle on my thoughts and emotions. Before I started the engine, I grabbed my phone and phoned Marcus, who answered on the first ring. I couldn’t help but smile, picturing him sitting watching the phone.

  Damn, he was a good guy, the absolute best.

  “You alright, Bro?” The first words out of his mouth were filled with compassion and concern.

  I felt my heart splinter as I thought of Jonathan, my actual blood brother, who’d never think to put anyone before himself. He’d never shown any regard for my feelings. I thought over his poisonous actions now and all the other times and felt my resolve harden, despite my misgivings at being able to go through with my decision.

  This is what being a brother was about: Marcus was everything that a brother should be.

  “Yeah, I’m good.” I swallowed, and he let the silence drag out for a minute, forcing me to continue to speak, “I told him I’m walking away, for good. I can’t do this anymore. This was it for me.”

  He let my sentence hang there for a moment before asking gently, “and are you? Are you going to walk away for real this time? No checking up; no more tormenting yourself; no guilt trips and saving his arse when he doesn’t deserve or appreciate it?”

  I blew out a loud breath despite the tightness in my chest. “No, I’m done. Having to take that call – fuck! That fucking hospital again! Walking back in there again! He’s not even bothered; he had no remorse, no guilt, he wasn’t upset. He’ll do it again. Maybe he’ll die next time, maybe he won’t, but I can’t keep picking up the pieces.” I closed my eyes briefly before turning to stare back up at the hospital.

  Marcus was speaking again and I hadn’t caught it, “Shit, sorry?” I asked.

  “I said I can meet you a bit later if you wanted to hit the gym or a pub?”

  “That’s ok, I need to catch up with Lena. I blew her off today for this.” I started the engine and he took that as his cue to go.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow night, then. Don’t beat yourself up over this, Nate. You are not responsible for other people’s actions.”

  I rolled my eyes, thinking how everyone seemed to be telling me the same thing. I knew that was the case but it didn’t make his actions any easier to stomach.

  “Wait! I know some awful chick saying…” he paused for a second, “…fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me…and you, bro, you’re the biggest fucking fool I’ve ever known.” His words were spoken with warmth, and I felt myself break into a reluctant smile despite the gamut of emotions swirling inside me.

  “You’ve gone back time and time again, given chance after chance. Nate, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. You keep picking up the pieces but he’s slowly tearing you apart. I’ve been telling you for years that he’s bad news. Seriously, I know he’s your brother, and I’m way outta line here, but I hope like fuck that you stick with this. Don’t let him or anyone else guilt you into acting any other way. Fuck! Nate, you’d swim the damn ocean for that guy and he wouldn’t even splash in a puddle for you. He’s fucked up! He’s going to continue to hurt you until you walk away. Think of yourself and think of Lena! You don’t need someone like that in your lives.” He sighed heavily, “Look…I’ve said enough…too much, probably. You’re one of the best guys I know, Nate. Don’t dwell on this tonig
ht. Go home, screw the fuck out of Lena, and unwind” He sniggered at me and I knew he’d made the comment about Lena on purpose to wind me up and distract me from his speech. “Sorry, go and make love to your girl.”

  I told him to go to hell and we ended the call, I could hear his laughter down the line.

  The crushing weight of guilt, hurt and upset that had been pressing down on my chest and shoulders, seemed to have eased slightly. I felt marginally better after our conversation.

  I texted Lena to let her know that everything was OK and that I’d catch up with her later. I couldn’t face going to play happy families, and I didn’t want to pull her away from hers.

  I gave Paul a quick ring to check if he had anyone I could spar with. He sounded pleased to hear from me and told me to come along in about an hour which gave me enough time to get home and grab my gym clothes.

  Walking into the gym, I saw him waiting for me. He smiled and held out his hand for me to shake. He wasn’t back to being able to train again yet, but said that he had another guy coming in shortly whom I’d be able to spar with. He indicated the benches at the far side of the gym and asked me to join him for a minute or two whilst we waited for my partner to arrive. Sitting down, he looked at me closely.

  I frowned at him, “You trying to read my mind or something? It’s easier to just ask.”

  “Are we good? Or were you hoping to come down and legitimately have a go at beating my arse?”

  “We’re good. I get you were looking out for Lena. She should have called me. I’m pissed about that.”

  He nodded his understanding. “Just wondering why you’ve come here. I’m happy you have, but is there something specific that’s bugging you so much that you need to legally beat someone. I know you’re still pissed about me going to take her to see…” He stopped as I shook my head at him.

  “It’s not Lena, nothing to do with Lena - though the issue with the guy will be dealt with.” I muttered as an afterthought, before remembering that I still hadn’t looked over that file I’d received. “Shit!” I cursed.

  He continued to stare at me, making me uncomfortable enough that I snapped at him, “Fucking hell, man! I didn’t realise this was a goddamn counselling session as well!”

  He looked unaffected by my outburst. “Are you telling me you need counselling? Something you need to discuss?” He spoke calmly and his voice had an almost hypnotic quality to it.

  I could understand why Lena had found him so easy to talk to. I looked at him, keeping my expression neutral and my face blank. “Nothing for you to concern yourself with. It’s not about Lena, but, if it was; I’d be dealing with it. I came because I enjoyed myself sparring but realised how out of practice I am. I’m not interested in the deep and meaningful. I’m not a fucking chick. I’ll be happy to stay and fight or else I’m gonna go and hit the treadmill and bag.” I stared at him, my jaw set and tense.

  He watched me for a second before nodding and getting up. He jerked his head towards the mats and I followed him.

  As we approached, I saw a guy turn and walk over towards us. He was slightly younger than me; I’d put him at nearer Lena’s age, maybe 24 or 25. He grinned and bumped fists with Paul then turned and nodded at me. Paul introduced us and set us up. He stood on the sidelines, calling out manoeuvres for us. After a little while, we began to spar properly.

  It felt good not to have to hold back as I had when I’d been with Lena. We were fairly evenly matched but, luckily for me, despite not following up for the last 2 years or so, I had more knowledge, which gave me the slight edge. I still ended up getting dumped on my arse a few times but it was a good workout.

  By the end of the session we were both sweating hard and aching. My chest was heaving with the exertion, but I felt great. My thoughts had been swept away, and for a while, the only thing I’d had to concentrate on was the guy coming at me.

  He shook my hand, thanking me for the session, and said he hoped to see me again. I slapped him on the back, agreeing that I’d enjoyed and waved him off.

  Paul stood in front of me grinning broadly. “Now that was fun to watch!”

  I couldn’t help but smirk back at him as I caught my breath. I couldn’t deny how much I’d enjoyed that, how much I’d needed it. The treadmill was good, but this provided an instant lift rather than pounding out 10 miles before you felt better.

  “You sure you don’t want to discuss competitions?”

  “I’m too old for that shit now. Besides, I can’t, it’s not an option for me. I can’t be going on duty with a black eye or whatever. It’s not a good look.”

  “Well, don’t get caught!” He winked and I laughed back at him. We chatted idly for a few moments before he was called from the other side of the gym.

  I thanked him for setting me up a session and told him I’d catch him again then I headed back home.

  Nate

  “Hey, babe, where are you?” Lena’s voice drifted up the stairs to me.

  I was lying on my bed after having had a shower following the session at Paul’s. I’d remembered mid-shower about the file on my phone. When I came out I quickly dried off and threw a pair of sweatpants on before opening it to read what Stevie had found out. I’d read most of it, and the guy seemed like a waste of space. He didn’t have any previous convictions, but it was clear, reading between the lines, that he was beating his wife. As Stevie had mentioned, there had been four calls to the police in total, but, each time, despite evidence to the contrary, the wife had denied any offence.

  Just reading through the film made me want to slam my fist into a wall.

  I closed the application on my phone and called out to her that I was upstairs and would be right down.

  I walked down the stairs and rounded the corner into the kitchen. She had her back to me and was leaning over the breakfast bar, arms resting on the worktop, phone in hand, sending a text. I stood for a moment taking her in, her blonde hair tied up messily on top of her head. Her jeans hugged tightly to her arse, and she was humming softly to herself as she messaged.

  Just looking at her I felt my cock stir into action.

  I knew that she’d heard me approach but she didn’t turn as she finished off texting. I walked over and stood behind her, pressing my body against hers. I placed my hands on her hips and heard her soft exhale.

  Finally, she put the phone down.

  I pulled her hair tie out, letting her hair fall free then scooped it back so that it fell over her shoulder, exposing her neck.

  She made to turn around but I held her in place, pushing her against the breakfast bar. She began to speak and I twisted her hair in my hand, tugging it firmly to pull her head down towards me.

  “Shhh! Later,” I demanded. I wanted her, right there, right then.

  She wasn’t going to ruin it by bringing up things that I didn’t want to think about.

  The exercise in the gym had helped clear my mind for a bit, but losing myself in Lena was exactly what I needed.

  I reached around her with my free hand to unbuckle her jeans. She moved her hands to help me out.

  “Hands on the worktop, Princess. Don’t move them.” She complied immediately and I smirked at her submission to me - my feisty little warrior, so independent and strong, yet she obeyed me without question or hesitation.

  Her jeans pooled around her feet and she stepped out of them, kicking them behind her.

  “Do you like this shirt?” I asked her.

  I had no time for her to fuss with buttons. She paused for a moment before shaking her head so I grabbed a knife from the rack and tore it off her. Twisting my hand again in her hair I pulled her head back towards me, exposing her neck.

  She pushed her arse back against my obvious bulge and I hissed a breath in through clenched teeth. My dick was now straining for release from the confines of my sweatpants. Leaning my head forward, I nipped her neck, her moan causing my balls to tighten with anticipation. I kissed and sucked her neck whilst my free hand reached around her
body, pulling her breast free from its lacy hold and pulling on her already taut nipple.

  She groaned, trying to push herself back against me again, rubbing me through my clothing, my name a tortured whisper on her lips. I pinched her nipple, enjoying hearing her exhale sharply.

  Trailing openmouthed kisses from her earlobe down her collarbone, I could feel the goosebumps coating her skin. I opened her bra and let it fall, her breasts coming free. Removing my hand from her hair, I reached around and cupped them both in my hands then I ran my hands down her body, trailing my fingertips all over her, listening to her breathing hitch as I touched her.

  I could feel her body tense in anticipation as I slid my hand into the waistband of her underwear. I paused for a second, making sure she was still comfortable with this.

  She leaned back against me, giving me the green light I needed. I slipped them off her hips and they fell to the floor with her discarded bra. As she stood in front of me, naked, I pushed against the inside of her thighs, silently telling her to open wider. She spread her legs, pushing her arse back into me as she leaned forward, her breasts resting on the breakfast bar. I stood back to admire the view, and, fuck me, what a view it was.

  She was spectacular.

  Her toned body in front of me, hands still spread on the worktop, breathing ragged, chest heaving, legs wide. She was open, trusting and mine for the taking; it was an incredible feeling.

  I stepped out of my sweatpants quickly, kicking them to the side along with her clothes. I moved forward again, pressing myself against her, her back against my front. I dragged my fingers down her back, sweeping around her front and running up the inside of her thighs, peppering kisses across the back of her neck as I did so. She moaned, leaning back against me. I placed my hands on top of hers, holding her in place for a moment before removing them, my demand expressed.