Caught by Her Read online

  Jonathan snapped at Clarissa, just loud enough for us to hear, “I’m his only family, and they know it!”

  The senior officers walked over but stood a distance away. “We need to know how our man is doing,” they prompted, encouraging the surgeon to speak.

  The surgeon frowned as if undecided, casting a last glance at Jonathan’s sullen face before addressing Marcus and the officers. “PC Masters has suffered a penetrative trauma to his abdomen resulting in damage to his intestines. The damage, luckily, was not as extensive as first feared; however, he has lost a significant amount of blood. We have given him additional transfusions, but he is still facing possible multiple organ failures.”

  I put my hand over my mouth, fighting to hold onto some semblance of control. He noticed and smiled gently. “He is fit and strong, which has helped him. He has come through the surgery well, but he’s not out of the woods yet. There is still the possibility of post-operative infection and further bleeding. We will be monitoring him carefully and doing all that we can. I assure you, he will be getting the best possible care. I must insist that only his next of kin visit in the recovery room. He is currently sedated and will remain unconscious for at least the next twelve hours. Once we are satisfied with his progress, he will be moved to ICU. I must stress that now is not the time for drama. PC Masters is still in a critical condition and has a long way to go. I expect the patient’s needs to be paramount at all times. Do I make myself clear?” He looked pointedly at the police officers and at Jonathan, whose outburst clearly hadn’t gone unnoticed.

  “Can we stay with him until he wakes?” Marcus asked.

  Jonathan laughed nastily, and glared at him. “You’ve heard the news, Marcus. I didn’t need to let you have that. You’re not family. Clarissa and I will be with him. You heard - it’s next of kin only.”

  The spite in his words felt like a slap to my face as realisation hit me that they were not going to let us be with him.

  I turned to look at them. “Jonathan, Clarissa, you won’t stop us from seeing him, surely?”

  The look on their faces confirmed that they had every intention of doing so.

  “Nate would want to see us. He’d want to see Marcus!” I spoke calmly, trying to keep my temper in check and appealing to their better natures despite my head telling me that it was futile.

  Jonathan shrugged, actually shrugged, as if he didn’t have a care in the world and wasn’t bothered in the slightest by the upset he was causing.

  I looked at him in disgust as Marcus roared beside me. “You fucking prick! You’re estranged! He wants nothing to do with you – with either of you!”

  The surgeon held up his hand and spoke loudly and sharply. “Enough! This is a hospital. I have just stated there is to be no drama. I’m sorry, sir-” he turned to look at Marcus, -“If you are not a relative, then, I’m sorry, I have to go with the wishes of the next of kin.”

  Marcus pointed his finger at them as he replied. “They are estranged. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

  The surgeon sighed. “Do you have anything in writing? Are there any other relatives?” He shook his head and held his hands out. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, turning to walk out of the room, Clarissa and Jonathan following him.

  I called out to them, my voice high and desperate, “Jonathan, Clarissa, please! You can’t do this! Please don’t do this...” My voice broke as a sob came to the surface.

  As he got to the doorway, Jonathan turned around and gave a smug smile. Marcus flew forward, his arm raised. I threw myself at him as Kelly did the same. We were no match for him, but, thankfully, it was enough to make him stop. I could feel him shaking from the adrenaline and rage. He twisted away from us and kicked the chair, - sending it flying across the room where it smashed into two other chairs and knocked them over. He fell to his knees and put his hands on his head as he yelled, “Fuuuck!” as loudly as he could.

  I felt his pain, his anger and his resentment.

  It hurt like hell.

  I was desperate to see Nate, to see with my own eyes that he was ok, that he was holding on and fighting.

  Marcus had already lost Lindsay. To be denied seeing his best friend, the man he thought of as his brother, was beyond cruel.

  I felt like throwing myself to the floor and joining him. This was like a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from.

  He looked dejected, so broken and hurt. I knelt beside him. His breathing was ragged and I didn’t know if he was crying or not. I touched his back tentatively. He didn’t acknowledge me or move for a few minutes. I felt him trying to get himself back under control.

  The room was silent. The police officer picked up the chair and put it back in its place. Kelly stood like a statue, watching us, her eyes filled with worry and concern. Slowly he stood and I followed.

  “Do we know if his grandfather has been contacted?” I asked the Police officers.

  Marcus raised his head up to look at them as the taller one shook his head. I couldn’t remember who was who.

  “A telephone call was made to his grandfather first as we had his details as the primary contact, but he wasn’t at his accommodation, then his brother was contacted.”

  “So he doesn’t know, still?” I questioned and they looked uncomfortable.

  “No, possibly not. That would be up to his brother, I suppose.”

  Marcus looked at me. “Let’s go,” He said with renewed vigour.

  The sensible part of me told me that it was late, that Marcus should go home, shower and change - but I couldn’t think about anything other than seeing Nate, and I knew Marcus felt the same. I didn’t care about being selfish. I couldn’t think about what was the right thing to do. I just needed to see him.

  Kelly walked with us to the car, pleading with us to get some rest and to try again in the morning. Marcus kissed her head and told her to head home.

  I got in the car to drive us to Nate’s grandfather’s. Marcus had come to the hospital in a squad car which had been returned to the station.

  My stomach grumbled, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten or drunk but the thought of food made my stomach churn.

  I pulled up outside of the sheltered housing accommodation where Nate’s grandfather lived. Most of the rooms were in darkness. Marcus told me to wait in the car and that he’d be right back. I kept the engine running and sat waiting. He returned within a few minutes, his shoulders slumped, his posture screaming defeat.

  He climbed in beside me and sat for a moment staring ahead. “He’s away. He’s travelling back overnight, so there’s no way for him to get back any more quickly. There’s no point in phoning and upsetting him. He can’t get here any earlier. He’s expected back tomorrow morning, anyway. We need to be back here at 10am. We can let him know then what’s happened and go to the hospital.” His voice was low, the words sad and empty.

  He wouldn’t be seeing Nate tonight, neither of us would. It was unimaginable that someone could keep you away from a person you loved. The feeling of helplessness and impotence made you want to rage, scream, shout and demand, but it was useless. I had no idea what to do.

  I knew Marcus had Kelly back at his house but, I, selfishly, didn’t want to be on my own tonight. Marcus was as close to Nate as I could get. I didn’t want him to go.

  “Do you have to go back to your house?” I asked quietly as I drove.

  I felt his eyes on me and turned to meet his stare. “Yes. You’re coming too,” he replied, a statement not a question.

  Kelly opened the door, but didn’t ask any questions. Marcus asked if I wanted a shower. I shook my head and he bid us both good night.

  Kelly took me to the spare room which she had made up for me, just in case. I lay on the bed, my thoughts whirling at a thousand miles an hour. Nate was lying in a hospital bed. He would wake up, and I wouldn’t be there. I couldn’t even consider the possibility of him not waking up. Tears streaked down my face as I tried to cry as quietly as I could into the pillow.r />
  My phone began to ring, and I looked around in confusion. I remembered Nate playing with my phone this morning.

  It had only been this morning.

  The lyrics began to play as Ed Sheeran’s voice filled the room and my silent tears turned into gut-wrenching cries as the words hit home, the beauty and poignancy of them proving my undoing.

  I’d teased Nate that every song he left me was sexually motivated - and then he’d left me this.

  I felt my heart shatter as I listened to the words, my resolve to try and be strong crumbling around me. I couldn’t lose him. The thought of him not being there was killing me. The thought of him waking up without me being there was devastating.

  I couldn’t breathe through my tears, my body shaking as the horror of the day overwhelmed me. I needed to apologise; I needed to let him know how sorry I was, to tell him that this was my fault and beg forgiveness, from him and from Marcus. I could have prevented this if I hadn’t been so weak.

  I would never forgive myself for this, for something that I’d caused hurting the only person I’d ever loved.

  I picked up the phone as it fell silent, sending a quick message to Maddie before I replayed the song. I left the music play on repeat, listening to the lyrics, my heart and soul feeling broken as I cried.

  I felt the bed dip before strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me into him. I twisted in his embrace, turning so that I was facing him, my head in the crook of his shoulder, just as I lay with Nate, the memory hitting me and making me cry harder. He kissed the top of my head and held me. His own body was shaking, though whether it was from me or his own tears, I didn’t know.

  As exhausted as we both were and preoccupied with our thoughts, sleep wasn’t going to come easily.

  We’d moved so that we were lying sided by side. I faced him in the darkness. I knew he was still awake by his breathing.

  “I need to explain,” I whispered.

  He didn’t say anything, just waited for me to continue.

  “This is my fault.” I whispered, and I heard him sigh. He moved slightly but didn’t speak.

  “The guy…he hurt me when I was at university. If I had reported…” I was stumbling over my words, finding it hard to speak, and he cut me off.

  “He killed his wife, Lena. He murdered her, stabbed her to death as she tried to flee, by the looks of it, then dragged her into the main room either to finish her off or just dump her there. She bled to death within minutes probably, crumpled in front of the fireplace. Lindsay…” his voice cracked a little saying her name, but he forced himself to go on, “…Lindsay and Nate are police officers. No matter what had gone on in the past, they would have had to take the call. Nate told me that you believed he was behind abusive letters you were receiving. You tried to do something about that Lena. There’s not much more you could have done.”

  I shook my head. “But if I had reported…”

  He cut me off again. “Lena, don’t try and hold onto this guilt. This isn’t your fault, not at all. I know you want someone to blame, but the person responsible is dead. Even if he’d raped you at university” - I felt myself start at his words but he carried on - “you’d have gone through the nightmare of a trial, and, trust me, what happens there is a bloody disgrace. It would have been brutal, and, even if he’d been found guilty, he’d have got only a couple of years. He’d be back out by now, probably harbouring just as much of a grudge as he did. He was unstable. His wife looked like you! Even I was taken aback by the resemblance so you can bet that Nate noticed. He was a nutcase. I don’t know what happened back then, nor do I want to. That’s your business. Nate didn’t tell me anything about it other than that he had hurt you and that you believed he was behind the letters. Lena, don’t try putting this on yourself. This situation is all kinds of fucked up without you feeling guilty too. We’ll get there in the morning, and we can tell that selfish arsehole that we spent the night together. That’ll get him up and about, for sure.”

  I smiled sadly at him. “Thank you” I murmured, feeling lighter and relieved that my confession was over, but, even though he didn’t blame me, I still felt guilty. I tried to close my eyes, but all I could see was Nate hurt and alone.

  This was going to be the longest night of my life.

  Nate

  I felt as if I was trying to swim through quicksand, my arms and legs too heavy to move, and I wasn’t getting anywhere.

  Everything was black. I couldn’t hear a sound. I strained to listen, but was met with a deafening silence.

  I looked all around; there was a chink of light in the distance. I tried to move towards it, but my body was sluggish. The light seemed to be fading away and I couldn’t get there quick enough. I tried to call out, but no sound came. The light disappeared, and everything was black again.

  The glimmer of light was back. I tried to move faster this time, struggling to reach it. I could now hear faint sounds but I couldn’t distinguish them. They were getting louder the closer I got.

  I felt exhausted, but I’d hardly moved. The light was within touching distance. I tried to propel myself forward. I fluttered my eyes open: the light had gone and I was in darkness.

  The room was empty. Where was Lena? The noises suddenly increased, beeps began to ring out, probably in response to my heart rate which seemed to be going into overdrive.

  Where the hell were Lena and Marcus?

  My eyes were getting heavier and heavier as I fought to keep them open.

  I was weak, too weak.

  I tried to call out but my voice didn’t work. There was something stuck in my throat, and I tried to raise my arms to grab it. I was choking, and I began to panic, my hands grasping at the tube as I heard the door opening and hands catching hold of my own.

  Pain was washing in waves over me.

  “Nate, I’m going to need to you stay calm for me. There’s a tube in your throat, my darling. I want you to try and cough gently. I’m just going to remove it for you.” I felt my chin being lifted and I could feel her pulling the tube clear.

  My throat felt scratchy and dry. The nurse shone a light into my eyes and asked me how I was feeling. I blinked and tried to focus.

  “Lena” I croaked, past the burning of my throat.

  She patted my arm. “You’ve got two visitors here. I’ll just let them know you’re awake. Have a little sip of this, I’ll go and get you some fresh water for you too. I’ll be right back.”

  I calmed instantly, Lena and Marcus were here. The darkness was pulling me back under and I closed my eyes again.

  The light was back, bigger and brighter.

  Noises were pronounced, beeps and whoosh sounds. The feeling of sinking into quicksand had lessened, but it still felt like I was swimming against the tide, trying to move forward but hardly getting anywhere.

  I struggled to open my eyes. I felt uncomfortable and sore but the pain was manageable for now. I looked around the room which was empty again. Where the hell were they?

  I knew that I’d killed Jason but what if someone else was in on his plan to grab Lena?

  What if someone else had her?

  I needed to speak to Marcus: he’d keep her safe.

  Nausea hit me as I remembered Lindsay collapsed on the floor of the house. I blinked back the tears that threatened as I thought of telling Marcus and tried to clear the fog from my head.

  I had two visitors. Lena and Marcus were going to be here now. I needed to keep it together.

  The door opened, and Jonathan and Clarissa walked in. I stared at them, unable to formulate words to explain how stunned I was to see them, disappointment crushing me that it wasn’t Lena and Marcus.

  Clarissa smiled widely, came to my bedside and clasped my hand, gushing over how good it was to see me awake. I turned my attention back to Jonathan, who was striding in after her. “Good to see you awake,” he said with a smile, but his voice was cold and the smile false.

  I had no time for this.

  “Where’s Lena?�
�� I asked, my voice quieter and weaker than I’d have liked.

  He smiled as if he was genuinely pleased this time. “Only next of kin allowed. Marcus and Lena went home together hours ago.” He gave me a snide smile, as if he were trying to upset me by implying something.

  If I weren’t so desperate to see Lena, I’d have laughed outright at him. He looked as if he had more to say but I spoke first. “I want Lena.”

  The door opened, and a nurse walked in, carrying a jug of water, a plastic cup and straw, which she put on the table. She poured me a small glass of water and insisted I took only a sip as she held it to my mouth.

  I did as she asked before speaking again, “I want Lena.” I repeated.

  She glanced at Clarissa in confusion before turning back to me. “Is everything ok?” She asked gently, and I grimaced as a wave of pain shot through me.

  “I want Lena. I need you to contact her for me. I need to see her and Marcus.”

  Her eyes swept over me. “Do you want something for the pain?” She asked kindly, and I ground my teeth, and shook my head.

  “Please, I need Lena Nicholls. I need you to get her and Marcus here, now.” I tried to sound demanding but my voice was lacking its usual strength, and it came out more of a plea. I glanced around, “Where are my clothes? Where’s my phone, you can call her on that.” I was feeling desperate.

  Jonathan had said that they’d been here, so I knew she was alright. If she were with Marcus, she would be ok, but I needed to see them. I had to see her with my own eyes.

  “You need to calm down. You’ve just had surgery.” I looked at Clarissa, who had just spoken.

  “What the hell are you doing here, anyway? I made it clear I want nothing to do with either of you,”

  Jonathan glared at me as the nurse asked, “Is everything ok here?”

  I turned to her. “I need you to contact Lena,” I repeated becoming more agitated.

  “I’ll call her. Don’t worry!” She patted my hand. “I’m just going to let the consultant know that you’re awake.”

  She turned to face Jonathan and Clarissa. “I hope I don’t need to remind you that this is an Intensive Care Unit, and we have seriously and critically ill patients here. I don’t want any stress or drama, or you’ll be asked to leave.” She faced them for a moment before turning and walking out.