Caught by Her Page 9

  Marcus and Kelly both nagged me to go out with them on Friday night but I refused. I finished work and went straight to the gym. I trained hard, my muscles screaming out at the sadistic torture I was inflicting on them, but I didn’t feel any better for it.

  I pulled onto my drive at 8pm and was surprised to see Marcus sitting out front waiting for me. I’d been adamant that I wasn’t going out with them. I frowned as I got out of the car and walked towards him.

  “What’s up? Is everything OK?”

  He grinned at me and jumped down off the bonnet of his car. “Yeah, just thought I’d join you for an hour.” He winked at me, and I noticed the Grey Goose on his passenger seat.

  I jerked my head towards the house, indicating that he should follow me in. We went through to the kitchen and he grabbed a seat on the stool. I couldn’t look at the breakfast bar without remembering Lena being laid out over it. She’d only been in my life a short time but she seemed to have taken over every aspect of it.

  I’d showered at the gym, but I told him I was going to go upstairs and change. I knew Marcus, and there was no way he was going to allow me to sit around in my sweats on a Friday night after he’d pulled out the Goose.

  I could hear him talking on the phone as I walked back downstairs but he’d hung up before I got to the kitchen. I looked at him quizzically, but he ignored me, handing me a large glass of vodka straight.

  I picked up the bottle and, carrying my glass, walked through to the main room to sit on the sofa. He didn’t ask after Lena and we chatted aimlessly for an hour or so. Mostly it was him talking shit whilst I knocked back the alcohol.

  “Let’s get out then. I’ll call us a taxi to head to Milo’s.” He’d obviously been softening me up with the alcohol.

  It was working, I wasn’t as against the idea as I’d been. I’d known it was coming when I went upstairs and changed into my jeans and shirt. He was going to drag my arse out, no matter what arguments I put before him.

  “I told you I didn’t want to go out. What’s with the intervention? I’m not interested!” I complained, knowing all the while I’d end up going.

  “Whatever!...You need to sort your head out Nate. I’m sick of this. You’re either getting shit-faced and calling Lena to sort this out”- I pulled a face but he carried on regardless,- “or you’re hooking up with some other chick tonight and going balls deep. Either way, you’re getting some action to turn that miserable fucking frown upside down. I need my bro back! Don’t be such a selfish twat. Do you realise the impact your fucking moping about is having on me? Jesus Christ! I’m here on a Friday having to get you half-cut to agree to a goddamn night out, for fuck’s sake. Bro! Sort your head out! I know you’re upset about Lena, but man-the-fuck-up! Either make it right or walk away. This is pathetic and it’s not you. This” - he gestured at me as I sat slumped on the sofa with my drink - “this is not a good look for you, man. You told me once that she was worth it. If you still believe that, then bloody fight for her! Make it work! Get her to listen to you and sort your shit out! If not, then make your peace with the fact that someone else will!”

  His words struck a nerve, and I sat up angrily, giving him a menacing look. Arrogantly I hadn’t considered the thought of someone else making a move on Lena. I’d believed her when she said the guy was Aaron’s son. Someone hitting on her now, I had no idea how she would react to that. I had no idea how things stood with us at the moment.

  “We’ve not broken up. I just need time to think. She’s the one who walked away.” I spoke with confidence, despite the direct hit his previous statement had made.

  He drummed his fingers lightly on the table before getting up out of his seat, “With good reason, more than likely. Does Lena know that she’s not single? While you’re sitting about with your head up your arse, is she really supposed to be sitting around waiting for you?” He was goading me, and it was working, but I tried not to let him see the effect he was having on me. “Seriously, Nate, make a decision before the choice is no longer yours to make! When it comes to me having to give you relationship advice, you know you’re fucking it up” He shook his head and waved his hand at me to get up as he phoned the taxi company.

  Lena

  I pulled into the car park and took a deep breath, psyching myself up to face the gym, and Paul. I shouldn’t have been nervous. Paul had messaged me continually requesting my presence back at the gym and had allowed the first two excuses to fly, before telling me to,“grow a pair and get your arse back to training!”

  The guilt I felt pressing down on me was still so heavy despite him telling me otherwise. I’d texted him but hadn’t spoken to him in person or seen him since the morning at the hospital.

  He’d recently found out that he was going to be a grandfather and I kept torturing myself with the thought of his unborn grandchild growing up without him in his life.

  I knew rationally that it had been a freak accident, but it weighed heavily on my mind that I’d called him to join me. It was my actions that had placed him in harm’s way. I knew that he didn’t blame me but I couldn’t help but blame myself.

  I got out of the car, clicked it locked and walked over towards the entrance. I really didn’t want things to be awkward between us; Paul was one of my closest friends.

  I needed to know how to make this feel right.

  I walked through the doors and entered the gym, swamped immediately by the smells and sounds that were so familiar to me. When I walked in, Paul was chatting to one of the guys he trained. I nodded at him in greeting and went straight down towards the mats.

  I sat on the bench waiting for him, my knee bouncing absent-mindedly as I chewed my lip, glancing over every few moments to watch his conversation. His arm was in a cast from just below his elbow to his wrist, but outwardly there were no other signs of injury. He looked fit and strong, but I caught him wince as he laughed, his good hand automatically reaching to touch his ribcage. He shook the other guy’s hand, someone I recognised but didn’t know, before turning and striding over to me.

  As he got close, his smiled faded. “Knock it off, Lena. Honest to Christ, if you keep looking at me all pitiful and sorry for yourself, I’ll take you in the ring and put you on your arse myself, one-handed or not!”

  I blinked, shocked by his outburst and earning a hearty laugh from Paul, who groaned slightly putting his hand back to his side. I pulled a face.

  As I went to speak, he stared me down. “Don’t…” he warned.

  “Actually, Paul, I was going to tell you to stop being such a fucking baby - it’s been a few weeks now - pull yourself together and quit your bitching!”

  He looked at me stunned for a second before breaking into a grin. Just like that, we were back.

  “Your action man isn’t here today, girl – watch that smart mouth of yours!” He winked at me and I tried to stop my smile from slipping. Paul caught it immediately.

  “What’s happened?”

  I shook my head as I looked down, pretending to fuss with my trainers.

  “Broken arm or not, I’ll beat him 12 shades of black if he’s fucked with you, Lena.”

  I forced myself to stand up and look at him, smiling brightly, knowing that Paul would see through it, but feeling the need to try and soothe him anyway.

  “It’s fine, Paul. I’m fine.”

  “Lena, I had a wife and I’ve got a daughter…I know what I’m fine means. You want to talk about it?”

  For a second I felt an irrational urge to throw myself into Paul’s arms, to cry on his shoulder and spew forth all my anger and upset about Nate, but I shook my head, my smile held almost manically in place.

  “No, I’m good.”

  Paul arched his brow but shrugged, using his good arm to pull me up from the bench and gesturing over towards the mats. “We’re just doing exercises and practice moves today. You’re not healed enough to be fighting again yet.” He caught my look of irritation and laughed. “Soon, Lena, though I’m guessing you were hoping fo
r a partner to take your temper out on. Unlucky, girl! Maybe you should direct it to where it actually belongs.” He winked, turned and walked in front to me to the mats.

  I followed, throwing daggers with my eyes into his back.

  The physical exertion made me feel better - not as good as a few throw downs to the mat would have done, but Paul was right as usual. There was a mild, niggling ache in my side. I’d have buckled if anyone had caught me with a hit to my ribs. My side was still too tender to withstand any impact. I made arrangements for my next session and left, feeling at least a little better than when I’d arrived.

  I checked my phone and saw that there were 2 missed calls from Maddie. I phoned her as I pulled out of the car park but she didn’t answer.

  Arriving home, I saw that she was parked outside my house waiting for me. I didn’t bother with my fake smile. I slammed the car door behind me and walked to the front door, knowing she was behind me.

  “Glad to see you’ve got that Friday feeling, my little ray of sunshine.” Her voice dripped sarcasm behind me. “You can get yourself showered and into something pretty because we are going out!” Maddie called out as she walked into the house.

  “You phoned?” I asked, ignoring her instructions.

  “I wanted to know where you were, and obviously to inform you that we were going out tonight. When you didn’t pick up, I surmised that you were with Paul – that’s the only time you don’t answer - so I waited you out.” She looked at me with smug satisfaction.

  I shook my head, “I’m not going anywhere, Maddie. I plan on…”

  “…moping about feeling sorry for yourself, wondering where it all went wrong, consuming an insane amount of confectionary and chocolate and silently begging your phone to ring. Does that about sum up your plans?” She narrowed her eyes at me, hands on her hips and a no-nonsense expression on her face.

  I couldn’t argue with her: she’d pretty much nailed my night.

  Her face softened slightly and she walked over to me, placing her bags down on the counter before taking my hands in hers. “Lena, we’re going out. I had to juggle shifts to be able to do this, so don’t let me down. You’re going to go upstairs, put on a dress, put some make-up on that pasty white face of yours and then we’re going to paint the town red, or at least, go to Milo’s, get drunk and come home to spoon, if you don’t get a better offer, anyway!”

  I crossed my arms at her, trying to look assertive and she burst out laughing.

  “Go, go on, shoo! I wasn’t expecting you back so late, so move it!” She pushed me towards the stairs and I gave in, cursing and loving her at the same time.

  We’d been at Milo’s for about an hour or so, sitting downstairs towards the back of the pub. I’d discreetly, or so I thought, glanced about for Nate and when I hadn’t seen him, the pang of disappointment had almost winded me but I’d kept smiling and laughing at Maddie’s jokes and stories.

  She had been drinking more than usual tonight; Maddie was exuberant and I couldn’t help but smile at her. She was determined that we’d have a good time, and I wasn’t going to burst her bubble. She finished her drink and waved at me to stand, motioning for us to go over to the dance floor.

  I walked after her and as I reached the edge of the dance floor, I caught sight of Lindsay, oblivious and walking straight towards us. I stopped for a moment, and, as she got closer and noticed me, she waved happily before her eyes darted upstairs.

  I knew immediately that he was there. I followed her line of sight and saw him leaning against the upstairs balcony. Whatever connection we had, absence hadn’t diminished it: as if he felt my eyes on him, he turned to look directly at me. I saw shock flicker over his face as well as another emotion that I couldn’t register before he reined it in.

  He stood there, staring at me, his face now devoid of emotion but his gaze intense. I saw a hand reach out and cup his cheek, trying to turn his face away. The action was intimate, but he didn’t move, ignoring it as he stood stock-still, still staring at me.

  I flicked my eyes to follow the hand and saw Jess standing next to him. My stomach clenched as she ran her hand up his bare forearm, trying to get his attention.

  Jealousy spiked through me, I felt it rush over me like a tsunami as I gritted my teeth and turned, breaking eye contact to stalk towards the bathrooms.

  The cubicle door slammed shut behind me and I slipped the lock across. I sat on the closed toilet lid, trying to regulate my breathing and the flood of emotions that swamped me as I cursed Nate, Jess and myself. I’d walked out on him. I had no right to be angry or hurt. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself, picturing her smug look when she told me on the night of Kelly’s birthday what good “friends” she and Nate were.

  My stomach rolled, and I fought a wave of nausea at the thought of them being together. My common sense told me that Nate wouldn’t do that, but the little voice of doubt whispered away at me, telling me that he’d already been there once, and clearly she was more than willing to rekindle whatever they’d had.

  Tears pricked at the backs of my eyes but there was no way I was going to cry. I took another deep breath, clenching my fists together and channeling all my strength into getting through this night.

  Walking out of the stall, I found Lindsay and Maddie waiting for me.

  Lindsay walked forward and wrapped her arms around me in a quick hug. “Ignore her, don’t let her upset you. She’s a first-class bitch and I’ll tell you straight up - she’s been trying to get her claws into him from the moment we were out tonight, but he’s not interested at all. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

  I shrugged, feeling miserable and hurt despite the relief at Lindsay’s words. “I’m not sure it has anything to do with me anymore, anyway.”

  Lindsay gave my arm a quick squeeze before saying she needed to get back.

  I turned to look at Maddie. I expected compassion. I thought she would be ready with open arms and kind words but she glared at me, looking annoyed, her arms crossed in front of her.

  “You know what, Lena. You can be really fucking annoying sometimes!”

  I looked at her, bewildered.“What do you…?”

  She interrupted me bluntly, holding her hand up and shaking her head. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head, Lena, but - you know what? You weren’t the only one to come into the relationship with baggage. From what I can see you’re both miserable as sin and too stubborn to do anything about it!”

  She looked frustrated as she stood there, glaring at me, ignoring the curious looks from the other women.

  “You’ve come in here all upset and pissed off because some other girl is going after your guy! It’s going to happen, Lena! If he’s not yours then someone else is gonna snap him up! Nate is a good guy. He may have fucked up but you know what? – Life isn’t some perfect fairytale or romance! That’s bullshit, baby girl, and you know it! For starters, you don’t need saving. You’re not broken! He’s not your saviour and he’s not some perfect guy. Get over the goddamn fairytale; it needs updating! He may look like a god and I bet he fucks like a demon but he’s still a man. He has flaws; he’ll make mistakes. His fiancée left him for his brother after 7years. That’s gonna leave a big, fucking mark on a man! He might be a cocky, arrogant bastard, but he’s still only human, Lena. So he fucked up! Are you going to throw it all away over this? Is it that monumental that you’re going to call quits on the only guy who’s made you feel? He’s been strong for you and he fought for you and at the first sign of trouble you walked. You didn’t ask him for an explanation. You didn’t stick around to hear what he had to say. I agree he’s set the bar pretty high, Lena, but don’t make your expectations impossible to meet. If you put someone up on a pedestal, they’ve only got one way to go.” She shook her head sadly. “You’re my girl and I love you, but you’re not being fair.”

  I looked at her, stunned into silence by her tirade. “He broke my trust,” My voice was soft and low. I looked down at my bracelets as I
twisted them around on my wrist.

  “Well then, you need to decide - do you think you could forgive him and get the trust back? - or are you happy to keep on walking and leave him in the past?”

  I felt the burn at the back of my throat as I swallowed back a sob, blinking rapidly at the thought of a future without Nate in it. A week had been torture enough.

  “I really miss him,” I whispered.

  “Lena, I’m mad at him for hurting you, but I’m just as upset with how much you’re hurting yourself. If you want to sort this out, don’t wait around for him to make the move. You are the one who walked. You need to go out there and get your man. Just make him work for it a little!” She gave me an encouraging smile. “Go show him what he’s missing, baby girl! Go get his attention and get your man! Make him realise what he almost lost. That fucking weasel-whore-bitch has nothing on you.” She winked at me and we both burst out laughing.

  I walked back from the bathroom arm in arm with Maddie and feeling more like myself.

  The misery that seemed to have wrapped itself around me like a cocoon fell away with each determined step I took back into the bar.

  I had butterflies in my stomach. Sneaking a quick look, I saw that he hadn’t moved from the bar. Jess wasn’t in sight and he was in an animated conversation with Marcus. He hadn’t noticed me and I smiled at Maddie. I’d have bet my life that Marcus was giving him a similar serve to what I’d just experienced.

  I was still pissed at him, but life without Nate was miserable. I’d rather be mad at him than sad without him.

  Maddie’s favourite song was playing, so we walked out onto the dance floor rather than going back to our table as the pub was filling up now, we’d likely have lost our spot anyway.

  Maddie positioned herself so her back was to the balcony, meaning that I was facing where they stood. Nate appeared relaxed, as he chattered to Marcus and gazed out over the room. His eyes settled on me. I couldn’t read the emotions warring over his face before he broke into a wide grin - a smile that made everything around me fade away.